A year in the Mattix Madhouse

So much has happened this past year. We got primary custody of Skyler in May, took him off his meds and began using doTERRA essential oils on him instead. We noticed a huge difference in his behavior and attitude. He's a different kid now.

After a long and pain in the butt battle with Carsten's biological contributor, we got notification at the beginning of November that his rights were severed and we can proceed with the adoption. Woohoo!

Shortly after Aria was born, I got on birth control, but it didn't work at all, and we found out that I was pregnant once again.

On Christmas day, at 8:48 P.M., we received the greatest Christmas present ever. Our little baby, Sundee Noelle, was born. She is such a mild mannered babe.

As I was in the hospital, I was reflecting on how awesome it was that I brought a brand new life into this world on the same day that Christians celebrate the greatest gift ever given; the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am in no way as celestial as the Virgin Mary, and I was not chosen to carry the Messiah, but, like Mary, I gave birth to a precious babe. She is so perfect, and despite the sleepless nights and fatigue, and the aches and pains from surgery, I am thrilled to have yet another perfect baby. Aria is absolutely enamored with Sundee. She's always giving her kisses and trying to snuggle her. 

I'm very blessed to have such wonderful kids. I always wanted to be a mom, and the Lord has made it happen times 5. I may not be the biological mother to Skyler and Mikaela, but they are still my kids, and I love them as such.  Every day, life gets more exciting, and every day, my love for my family grows. 

Miracles DO happen

These last few months have been absolutely crazy. I finally was reunited with my husband after 3 months, and he drove me back to Arizona, to our new home. This place is perfect for our family. My pregnancy continued to become less high risk, and I was able to get off bed rest. We were able to celebrate Christmas with Skyler and Mikaela, with an actual tree this time. Granted, it kinda looked like a Charlie Brown tree, but at least it was a tree. Justin's hours got cut drastically shortly after the New Year, which is really hurting us financially.

Our biggest blessing this year is that of our beautiful little daughter, who was born on February 1st, 2013 at 8:13pm. She was 6lbs 2oz and 18 1/2 inches long. We named her Aria Hope Mattix. Originally, she was supposed to be born on February 8th at 4:00pm, but at my last doctor appointment, my doctor told me I most likely wouldn't make it to the 8th, and actually suggested naturally inducing labor. Justin took the next day off to try and help me, and by 4:15 that day, we were on our to the hospital. At first, it didn't look like they were going to admit me, but after about 25 minutes, the triage nurse came in and told us that coming in wasn't a wasted trip because we would be having a baby that night. After an hour and a half of sitting in the Labor and Delivery triage hooked to an IV, they wheeled me back to the operating room and after 45 minutes (20 of which was spent trying to get the anesthetic to work), Aria Hope was born. Her daddy is definitely a doting father, and her older siblings, Skyler, Mikaela and Carsten all adore her. The hospital even contracts with a professional photographer, and we had pictures done at the hospital. Anne Gettys eat your heart out. We brought Aria home on Monday the 4th, and it has been awesome so far. She gets more beautiful every day. Carsten is absolutely enamored by his little sister. He's always trying to hold her or give her kisses or even share his blanket with her. He's always telling me, "Mommy, I love her." Or "Mommy, she likes me. She needs me. She's my baby Aria Sister." Its absolutely adorable.

I'm finally starting to be able to walk without needing the pain killers as much. I will often go 12+ hours without any medication. I'm hoping by Monday, I won't need them.

Justin loves being a daddy, and he's so cute with Aria. He holds her whenever he can. It warms my heart to finally have a man that treats our kids like princes and princesses.

Speaking of him being an incredible daddy, we have finally begun the adoption process for Justin to become Carsten's legal father. We thought for a while that Carsten's bio-dad would actually sign the papers, but shortly after I sent them to him, he informed me that he was advised not to sign any papers because it would make him financially responsible for Carsten. What he doesn't get is that he already IS financially responsible, and will continue to be so until such a time as the adoption goes through. So, because he refused to sign, I had to fill out a severance packet, requesting a hearing. So instead of this being a 3 month process, it is now a 6 month process, which means he will accrue 3 extra months of child support owed PLUS the back child support. There was also an Income Withholding Order issued on January 23rd, which means he's finally being forced to be responsible, which neither he nor his girlfriend like. And his mother even went so far as to threaten to sue me for custody of Carsten...  yeah. Good luck with that one, considering the boy is almost 3 and they have made no effort to even contact him. So, anyways, the hearing is set for April 18th at 9:30am. If he doesn't show, and doesn't have good cause, his rights will automatically be terminated and we can proceed with the adoption.

Things are looking up. Miracles do happen among the crap. :)

Change

I really need to do better at updating my blog.

So much has happened in the last 15 months. (I can't believe its been 15 months already.) From our wedding day to now, we've had our ups and downs. (Frankly, for most of it, its been more downs than ups.) We had that 3 month separation, which really gave me a wake up call. I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, High-Functioning Autism, and severe abandonment issues, and for the first 11 months of our marriage, I let those unfortunate diagnoses effect how I treated my husband and my step kids. One brutal day in early October, my husband told me over the phone (as we were still 850 miles apart) that I needed to make a lot of changes in my behavior if I wanted to remain his wife. Right then and there, I committed to be a better wife, confidant, companion, mother and friend. I love my husband, and I was darned if I was going to let him slip away. Now, nearly 4 months later, our arguments are less and less, our understanding is greater, and our love is stronger than I ever thought imaginable. Yes, we still have disagreements. Every NORMAL couple does. But its no longer at the point where we don't want to even be around each other. In fact, quite the opposite. We hate being apart.

The children have undergone some changes as well. Skyler is turning into quite the remarkable young man. He's really maturing, and I think some of it has to do with the changes in my behavior towards him. He's becoming more responsible. He began to participate in band, selecting the baritone as his instrument, and he will go to his room on his own without any prompting, and he will practice his instrument for anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. How many kids do we know that WANT to practice ANYTHING?

Mikaela participated in soccer in the fall. I missed every single game because I was stuck in Utah on bed rest, but I'm so proud of her. She also decided she wanted to join her school choir. She has been having a lot of fun with her extracurricular activities. In December, she was baptized, and I had the honor of helping to dry her off and getting her dressed. I'm so proud of the young woman she is becoming.

Carsten is learning more every day, and growing up way too fast. He can carry on a complete conversation with people, and 97% of the time he's completely understandable. He's also learning to go potty in the big boy potty and often goes an entire day without an accident. He's such a smart little cookie.

All of our kids look forward to our Aria coming into this screwy world. As are Justin and myself.

With that I will end this entry, seeing as how its 3am.

Dear Bonnie

I made the Dean's List at my school for having a 4.0 GPA. For those who know me well, I struggled with my grades all while I was growing up, especially in High School, so I was very stoked when I got this.

Gernight

My cute little Carsten came in to my room where I've been laying down, climbed up onto my bed and said, "Lay down, close your eyes, and go back to sleep, OK mommy?  I'll be back in a little bit to check on you, OK mommy?  Gernight!"

Insanity

Have you ever felt so desolate and alone that you never thought you would be OK again? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, your entire being was being sucked into a spinning vortex of insanity and there was no way out? That's how the past three months have been for me.

Back in August, I came to Utah to visit my family, and what was supposed to be a two week vacation turned into a three month sentence. I began having complications with my pregnancy, so I went to the ER, and got told I was on bed rest. I followed up with an OB/GYN here, and he also put me on bed rest, and told me there was no way I would be OK making the 14+ hour drive back to Arizona alone, so I had to wait until my husband could take vacation time to come up and drive me home. Then hell proceeded to overtake my life. My toddler became more and more disobedient, and because of my bed ridden state, I couldn't do much to enforce rules. My relationship with my father began to go back to what it was when I was a teen still living at home, ie, explosive and volatile. My relationship with my husband very nearly fell to pieces because of past behaviors on my part that were rather unfavorable. I felt demeaned, disrespected and criticised for every thing I did while staying with my parents over the course of these three months. I felt like the world's worst mother, because I have been physically unable to care for my child, and because of those negative feelings, I began to get mean. I have lashed out in ways that I never would have dreamed I was capable of. I became every thing I hated. So I made a resolution to stop letting the negative determine how I react to situations. Unfortunately, no matter what I did, certain people were able to push my buttons, and seemed to enjoy causing me distress. Over the past three months, I have gained a whole new appreciation for my husband and his patience with me, because, as bad as my fears and feelings of worthlessness were with him, they didn't even come close to how I've felt here, and my sweetheart has managed, even being 850+ miles away, to ease my heavy heart, and relieve my aggravation.

Last night, for the first time in the three months I've been here, I got to be in my sweet husband's loving embrace. All of the insanity just disappeared. All of the heartache and grief and frustration just dissolved into nothing. All that mattered was that I was back with my husband, and that he will be taking me home. Brand new house, brand new ward, brand new life. And in another three months, we will have a brand new baby girl.

The moral of this random tangent: life may suck or not be what we want it to be, but there IS ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel.

Crazy

So, my dad called while I was on the phone with my sweetie, and when I called him back, he put my son on the phone. "Hi Mommy!" "Hi baby! What ya doin?" "I'm driving!" "Are you driving the cart?" "No...I'm driving Grandpa crazy!" SNORT! Rofl. I love my son.